30 Brutal life lessons you need to learn before you hit 45

Brutal life lessons

The Truth About brutal life lessons

What are the most harsh reality checks you have learned in your life ? Real-talk

I recently got stuck. My attention was scattered, my energy was low, my work was shit. My headspace was all over the place, I had some highs and some very low lows.

I think of something a mentor said to me years ago. Always return to the basics—the truths of life. So now, that is what I’m doing. As part of my journey of self-improvement, I reflect on some harsh brutal life lessons I have learned along the way. Some are not so easy to admit, and some are quite the eye opener.

Look I’m not here to give you a speech about life lessons, all I’m saying is, that its only when you admit your truths, therein lies the power. The power to grow and the power to change. But some of us, myself included are in denial about who we really because, at the core, we deceive ourselves. For example I would never say that I’m a selfish person in general, but the truth is that I have been very selfish at times… now that I think about it.

The bottom line is if you’re feeling overwhelmed, confused, or lack drive; or you feel like something needs to change; always return to the basics of life and who you are at the core.

Acknowledge your shitty behaviour, deal with fact that you’re not perfect, and neither is anyone else, acknowledge your shortcomings, get off that pedestal and handle your business because sometimes we all need a reality check in order to grow.

Stop with the self-sabotaging behaviours, stop ignoring the fact that you have a huge ego, realise that life can be tough at times. But when you begin to identify the things that are weighing you down and holding you back, only then can you set yourself up for success.

Here are 30 Brutal life lessons that are uncomfortable, but deep down, we all know they are true or will learn at some stage in your life.

Brutal Life Lessons

1. Some people will drain the shit out of you!
Have you ever left a conversation feeling emotionally and mentally drained. Some people (emotional vampires) will suck the life out of you. They control your opinions, interrupt you at every sentence, don’t hear what you are saying and almost always about themselves and feel it’s totally normal that every conversation should revolve around them. Do yourself a favour and avoid them.

2. You can’t please everyone.
Seriously, just stop. Trying to make everyone happy is a thankless, soul-sucking endeavour that will only leave you drained and miserable.

3. Have zero expectations
Expectations hurt and you will be disappointed. Period.

4. Know-one gives a shit!
As much as I would like think that everyone gives a shit, the truth is that most people don’t give a shit. Unless of course they can somehow benefit from it. Chances are they are too busy worrying about their own life to notice your fly is down. Wear what you like. Do what you want. No-one really gives a shit.

5. Your kids aren’t you
You can teach them, love them, and support them, but you can’t change them. And you can’t expect them to do stuff the way you would. They are unique individuals who must live their own lives and learn from their own mistakes. Let them.

6. Little things matter.
It’s not the big wins, the great accomplishments, or your status in life that really count.
It’s the accumulation of little things — the quiet moments in nature, special time with our kids, seeing the smile on your spouse’s face when you walk in the door. Pay attention to these things.

7. People will talk behind you
Whether you like it or not, people will talk behind you. Sometimes it would be the people whom you trusted the most. It hurts but learn to ignore them. It says more about them than it does about you.

8. You can’t control what someone else thinks.
You can suggest, demand, implore — you can scream it at the top of your lungs but you can’t make anyone like, love or forgive you. You can’t win their respect if they’re not willing to give it. You just can’t.

9. Some people just care too much about the way they look.
This toxic type is quite interesting. You’ve probably met someone who always looks so polished on the outside, but their inside doesn’t really match their beautiful appearance. It’s pointless to waste your time on people who rarely show their vulnerable side. They’re not going to make your life happier or more interesting. Worst of all, they will never be there for you when you need them, as real friends should be.

10. I just haven’t got the time
I’ve said it a million times before. The truth is you actually do have the time to do the things you want. We all have the same 24hours in a day so why are some people getting more done than others? How many hours a day do you spend on social media? Watching TV? Looking through pictures on your phone? Chatting to friends or colleagues about their sisters, cousins, dog? We fill our days with distractions, identify yours, limit your time on them and you’ll suddenly find there are more productive hours in the day than you originally thought.

11. Grudges cause pain
Forgive and let go. There’s no other way.

12. Vulnerability heals.
Being real, open, and vulnerable invites people in and allows them to relate to you on a much deeper and more intimate level. Stop pretending and get real!

13. Friendships need care.
Friendships need time and attention. Nurture them like a prized garden. The payoff is so worth it.

14. Saying sorry doesn’t always mean you actually are
You can say you’re sorry until you’re blue in the face, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you mean it. Sometimes you only apologize because you get caught and that is truly sad and unfortunate.Sorry doesn’t fix anything. You have to amend your behaviour and own what you fucked up.

15. Don’t make assumptions
The saying “when you assume it makes an ass out of you and me” is explanation enough for this. Don’t make assumptions. Don’t assume you know the motivations for someone’s actions. Just as their reality doesn’t reflect your reality, your life is not theirs. Give people the benefit of the doubt.

16. Some people are so fake
Everybody isn’t your friend. Just because they hang around you and laugh with you doesn’t mean they are your friend. People pretend well. Time passes and you begin to see people for who they really are and not who they pretend to be. At the end of the day, real situations expose fake people, so pay attention.

17. Discomfort is the greatest teacher.
Your biggest moments of revelation will happen when you’re put in the most uncomfortable situation. Discomfort will drive you to make big changes. It will push you to do everything in your power to get out of a difficult situation. The phrase “going out of your comfort zone” is not underrated.

18. Social media can be is toxic.
Everyone portrays their life as perfect. Partying, traveling, dating. Take it with a pinch of salt and do not compare with your life. Social media is not real life. It’s just a means of fake self-promotion. So stop comparing yourself to someone else’s high-light real.

19. Self-love is key to everything in life.
Talk to yourself the way you would to your best friend. Once you start loving and accepting yourself, you will attract people into your life who appreciate and value you, people who see your worth.

20. Your words are more important than your thoughts, so start inspiring people.
Words have the power to oppress, hurt, and shame, but they also have the power to liberate and inspire. Choose your words wisely.

21. Seeking validation from others invalidates YOU.
Other people’s opinions of you does not define who you are. Seeking validation from others will rob you of self-love, self-respect and the life that you deserve

22. Pay close attention to those who don’t clap when you win
Haters, nay-sayers, sceptics, doubters, cynics …we all have them in our lives, and we don’t always know who they are or sometime we do. To put it simply, these are people who appear to be, but aren’t, on our team. Since life is never this black and white, how then, do we identify those who aren’t conclusively there for us, yet appear to be?

Why aren’t they clapping, yet choose to stay in our lives only to observe and criticize?

Here’s the rub. Since most of these non-clapping individuals are cloaked in ‘friends’ and “family” clothing, the water gets murky. We need to start paying attention to who is sitting on their hands not clapping, and who is putting them together cheering us on. Respect yourself enough, and make some cuts to your team. Stop putting up with shitty people.

23. If someone wants to be around you, they will find the time and space for you.
Constant excuses and lack of responses clearly means you’re not a priority, you’re not important to them, or they’re just not that into you.

24. Embrace Gratitude
As tough as your day may be, remember that someone out there will always be living something worse. Find something to be grateful about, whether it’s a friend who loves you, a skill no one else has, or even a great dinner. Always remember to be grateful.

25. You Are Not the center of the Universe
If you’re doing all the talking, then it’s time to give someone else a turn. Despite what you evidently think, the world does not revolve around you, your cares, your needs, and your opinions. The next time you talk to someone, try to see if you listen or talk more.

26. Listen with compassion
Really listen to what someone is saying to you. Everyone wants validation. Everyone wants to feel heard. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.

27. Some People Are Just Big Assholes
And there’s nothing you can do about it, so don’t try. The good news is that the world is also full of really amazing people, too. So hang on to the good ones really tightly, and forget about the rest.

28. You Are Your Own Worst Enemy
Stop procrastinating, stop thinking you’re not good enough, stop caring so much about what other people think, stop putting your happiness in someone else’s hands, stop fearing the unknown, stop with the self-doubt, stop comparing yourself to others and stop being afraid of showing you are. Trust yourself, believe in yourself and most of all love yourself.

29. The more you need help the harder it is to get
The hardest time to get job, a loan, a date, a car etc. is when you really need one.
The irony is that no one wants to hire someone who really needs the job, ( but will offer job to someone who already has job) or to lend money to someone who really needs it, or to be with someone that too desperate or needy.
It’s unfair but it’s true.

30. Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.
If there is a negative habit, addiction, or problem that keeps repeatedly showing up in your life, know that it holds a deep message for you. Be brave and look into the darkness of that struggle.

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