The importance of being brutally honest
Why being brutally honest with yourself will make you a better person
you’re anything like I was, you have an air about yourself that you want other people to embrace. You tend to live up to people’s expectations of you ( by the way, these are expectations you created in your mind) and you end up losing a bit of yourself because you believe this is how people expect to act.
So you pretend to be this other version of yourself which isn’t really you.
Over time, you put up these walls that prevents people from seeing the real you, with all your imperfections and flaws, because that would undermine their perception of you.
And because you refuse to admit to those imperfections, you end up blaming others, your circumstances, your partner or even the weather for any perceived failure—you blame anything and everyone, but yourself. As a result, you don’t connect with people in a real meaningful way, because you can never let your guard down and be yourself. You disguise your true-self and simply show a mask.
I’ve been there. I’ve realised that the process of being deeply honest with yourself is the first step in becoming a better person, because personal growth can only happen when you start admitting some honest truths about who you really are at the core. It may not be easy- but it’s time to come clean!
If you want to be happy, one of the most important virtues you must master is being honest with yourself
Brutally honest truths
See if any of these situations sound familiar to you.
“I’m a people pleaser”
I would never admit this in the past but the truth is, I find it hard to say no to people I care about. I find it hard to turn down requests from family and friends even if I know that’s it’s depleting my own resources. On the inside I genuinely want to help others, but even when I don’t have the capacity to help, or don’t have the time or money, I end up saying yes to countless demands. Deep down I fear that I will lose friendships, or a good reputation or even called selfish.
10 Signs You’re A People Pleaser
• You struggle to say “no”
• You feel responsible for how other people feel.
• You’re hyper-vigilant about perceived rejection from others (always on the lookout)
• You often suffer at the expense of doing a favour for others
• You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you or does not like you.
• You seek to approval from others
• You morph to reflect the people around you
• You are the emotional caretaker for everyone who is important to you.
• You feel the need to be nice almost all the time
• You easily attract people who need to be rescued or consoled
“I compare myself to others”
I’ve fallen into the trap of comparing myself to others so many times, I can’t even count. I’ve compared myself to other couples, I’ve compared my myself to other runners, I’ve compared my work other photographers and artists and the list goes on.
And you don’t actually realise you’re doing it until you all of sudden start feeling like shit about yourself, your circumstances, your life, your work, your health, the way you look and you start beating yourself up about everything you don’t have and all your shortcomings. Oh and social media just exacerbates the problem.
Comparing yourself to others is destructive. Point blank period.
How to free yourself from the negative effects of comparing yourself to others.
• Become aware and acknowledge when you are comparing yourself
• Do a social media detox
• Don’t compare yourself to others highlight reels on social media.
• Be present with your thoughts and feelings without judging
• Focus on Your Strengths
• Focus on your own journey and your own progress
I tend lose my shit sometimes. Okay I tend to lose my shit allot. I “fly off the handle” for trivial things especially when it comes to my kids. And I have good kids!
If you’re anything like me, after you lose your shit with your kids, you feel guilty, and bad and you talk to them afterward asking for forgiveness. You feel better after you’ve consoled yourself (and your kids) and then you spend the evening cooking their favourite dinner, cleaning up, finishing up work projects, helping with homework, juggling six thousand balls, working on your business and they’re not listening, so you lose your shit again!!
Over the past few months I’ve really done some introspection and recognised the real reasons I lose my shit on the kids—and none of them have anything to do with the kids.
The reasons are:
• I’m stressed and I’m taking it out on them
• I’m hungry and taking it out on them
• I expect them to do it right/ get it the first time. (Don’t have expectations)
• I’m exhausted and taking it out on them
• I’m broke and taking it out on them
• I’ve set shitty boundaries
Here are my tips on how to avoid losing your shit on your kids
• Don’t sweat the small stuff!
• Relax your standards
• Get yourself some noise-cancelling headphones
• Know your mental state. Are you tired, hangry, sick or stressed? Stop projecting!
• Remember they are not perfect
• Breath, calm the F**k yourself down because the sun will come out tomorrow.
“I silently judge others”
As much as I hate to admit it, I’m guilty of silently judging other people and so are you. We secretly judge people standing in line at the grocery store, we judge family members for not supporting us the way we expect them to. We judge other parents on how they raise their kids, we judge friends based on how fast they call us back, we judge people for talking loud on their cell phones, we judge people who tend to be too quiet, too boisterous, too sensitive and the list goes on.
Whenever I slip up and start becoming silently judgmental of others, I take a step back, and remind myself that judging other people is not nice and it’s not a great personality trait.
So next time you feel judgy, replace your judgyness with curiosity instead. It not only forces you to keep asking questions, but t allows you to see the same person, or the same situation in an entirely different way. So let go of your ego and stop judging.
“I wish I spent more of my valuable time explaining myself to judgy people – said no-one ever.”
The lies you tell, “I don’t have time”
You use the excuse “I don’t have time” when you probably do have time, but the real answer is that you aren’t interested or the person or situation is not a priority. Why do we fall into the trap of not being direct and honest? Why is being direct or honest with someone so difficult sometimes.
For me, it’s always been about not hurting someone else’s feelings. But now I’m finally beginning to understand what honesty really is. It’s giving yourself the space to actually feel your feelings and be true to them, at all costs. This is not an easy undertaking though. I realise that if you can’t be honest with yourself, you can’t be honest with others.
The Bottom line is that lies come from fear. We are so afraid of what might happen or someone’s reaction if we told the truth.
Try and be a straight shooter. Be bold and be honest without being rude and offensive.
In order to live your truth and find your place in this world, you have to start by being honest with yourself.
Being honest with yourself won’t just come over-night. It’s something you need to practice. This can only happen through self-awareness and vigilance. Being honest with yourself is essential to knowing what you want and knowing who you are. It builds your character and your true identity.
“Real transformation requires real honesty. If you want to move forward — get real with yourself.”