How to know when a friendship is toxic?
The truth is that everyone wants and needs friends. I mean, we’d all feel pretty lonely without them. Good friends bring so much happiness to our lives. They’re a source of comfort, they’re usually your biggest fan, your ride or die and that’s all great. But, not all friends and friendships are created equal and may not have the same end goal. Rather than bringing joy to your life, a toxic friendship will bring exhaustion, frustration, or even anxiety.
When it comes to toxic friends, there are some major warning signs and toxic traits you should be on the look out for..
Here are just a few subtle signs that you might be in a toxic friendship.
So called“ friends” who only call you when they need or want something
Sound familiar? A friendship is a two way street, If you’ve been feeling like you give more than your receive- then it may be a sign you’re in a toxic friendship. These so called “friends” always message you when they want something, however this can be very subtle and hard to spot. They never contact you just to spend time with you. Their phone calls most often than not has ulterior motives. People who only contact you when they need something are just acquaintances, not friends.
Friends who bring negative energy into your life
Do you have a friend who constantly complains, brings unnecessary drama into your life and is habitually pessimistic about everything? If you do, then chances are they are bringing negative vibes into your life. And their negative energy is affecting you in more than you can imagine. Constantly dealing with negative friends is quite a downer. They wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. In the end they bring your down. Start detaching yourself from friends with who only bring negative vibes, negative behaviour and negative conversations to the table. The you respond to negative friends the more peaceful your life will become.
Friends who mainly talk about themselves
You know those friends who literally only talk about themselves and never ask you any questions? They start every almost conversation with “I,”. When you do hang out, you spend the whole time focused on their life. Friends who talk a lot about themselves but who don’t show an equal, genuine interest in a “conversational narcissist” a phrase coined by sociologist Charles Derber and describes the trait of consistently turning a conversation back to yourself. Bottom line- when conversation is never equal – it’s time to find friends that have an equal interest in your life as much you do in theirs.
Friends who keep you guessing about which version of them you’re getting
They’ll be completely fine with you one day and the next time you see them they give you the cold shoulder and you’re left what you’ve done to upset them. There often isn’t anything obvious that will explain the change of attitude – you just know something isn’t right. Toxic friends figured out a long time ago that decent people will go to astonishing lengths to keep the people they care about happy. If your attempts to please aren’t working or aren’t lasting for very long, maybe it’s time to stop. Walk away and come back when the mood has shifted. You are not responsible for anybody else’s feelings.
Friends who manipulate you
Manipulation can be tricky to detect in a friendship. Manipulative friends will often create certain scenarios, that will benefit them – or they believe that their way of handling a situation is the only way because it means that their needs will be met. They may cater to your kindness at first, often flattering you for the wonderful person you are. But as time passes, praise of these qualities will be minimized because you are being used in the service of someone who really doesn’t care about you. They really just care about what you can do for them.
Friends who bail on you
Friends who constantly bail on you when something better comes is a clear sign that it’s time to break up. A friend who completely forgets about your plans, sends a clear message that you just aren’t worth the effort. Sometimes it happens and that’s fine, but if it’s consistent then it evidently shows that your friend is much less invested in the friendship than you are. You’re worth more than that! it time to move on.
It’s hard to let go of friends, especially when you haven’t had a big fight or treated each other badly. Sometimes friendships just need a little time and space. Consider taking a break and starting fresh in a few months.
A bit of distance may be all your friendship needs.
Have you run into any of these toxic types of people?
Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.